


true art doesn't need a title

by Bananna1235



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Naruto
Genre: Even when its not effective, Gen, I appreciate the tag system because its very effective, I know you guys scrolling through still read them, Mustang's now in the Naruto verse, Reincarnation, but!, for example, it is in some way still effective, like right now, no one is going to find my work with these tags, why am I writing this?, yay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-18 16:15:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16998324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bananna1235/pseuds/Bananna1235
Summary: It would be nice if when Edward delivered his eulogy, he said something so outrageously inappropriate that it gave the perpetrator a heart attack. Roy closed his eyes.He opened them to the sounds of screaming. His first thought was: well, that’s what happens when your last thoughts are vengeful. His second: no, I’ve done things infinitely more condemable than think vengefully. His third: I’m an infant.





	1. Chaptero numero unero

**Author's Note:**

> Procrastination 101: It is December of your senoir year. Finals are next week. College applications are due. What do you do?  
> A) actually study, lol  
> B) think about your future  
> C) spend time with your friends, knowing that, after highschool, you'll never see those losers again  
> D) console your mom, she's developing empty nest syndrome already, and you're not even the youngest

In war torn countries, rife with conflict and strife, (such as Amestris) political leaders tend to go as the mayfly: quickly. Thus, when Roy Mustang realized he had reached a premature end, he wasn’t shocked. Disappointed, maybe, with a side of resigned to his fate, but not shocked. Wobbling on his feet, he glared at his soup. At least it was poison and not something messy. He’d look good enough for it to be open casket. His funeral. Blinking heavily, he found he had collapsed on the floor. He turned his head to look at the ceiling. There. The crack that vaguely resembled a cat. “Goodbye,” he whispered to the maybe-cat. He didn’t even like cats. Alphonse liked cats. He took in a shuddering breath. It would be nice if when Edward delivered his eulogy, he said something so outrageously inappropriate that it gave the perpetrator a heart attack. Roy closed his eyes. 

He opened them to the sounds of screaming. His first thought was: well, that’s what happens when your last thoughts are vengeful. His second: no, I’ve done things infinitely more condemable than think vengefully. His third: I’m an infant. 

He swung around a pudgy fist to confirm this. Suddenly, he was lifted up. Startled, Roy started to cry. His horror at his reaction did not help him stop. The man who picked him up held him securely and started running. Voice trembling, the man yelled in a language Roy did not recognise. Time passed in a blur that way, running and yelling. A few times he was passed between people. Roy was confused. Was this hell? Being an infant, helpless in a catastrophe? If so, then this was not what he had expected. Frustrating, yes, but it wasn’t exactly eternal torment material. Unable to do anything about the situation, and feeling fatigued despite only being carried around for a few hours, Roy fell asleep.

When he woke it was quiet. It seemed people were still busy, but there was less screaming. That was good; no screaming meant the situation had improved. Alternately, it meant that the situation had gotten dramatically worse, but there’s no need for negativity first thing in the morning. It was a bad way to start the day. Anyways it seemed like people were, well, not calm, exactly, but numb. They seemed to be in the aftermath of whatever had happened. Speaking of, Roy would’ve very much liked to figure out what that was. Unfortunately, he couldn’t exactly go around demanding answers. He couldn’t understand the language, and even if he did, he wouldn’t be able to speak it. He had little control over his tongue and could only make vague babbling sounds. Investigating on his own was out of the question. The autonomy afforded to him as an infant was nonexistent. The best he could do was observe carefully.

A few days later, Roy decided that this was hell afterall. He considered himself a patient man: a master at waiting, plotting, and biding his time. But even his patience had its limits. And, by god, was being an infant excruciating. It’s not that there was anything wrong with information gathering. Information gathering was fine. More than fine. Information gathering was excellent, fantastic. Roy strove to be the most informed person in a room. The problem was, there wasn’t much information to gather. Not in his current situation. Ostensibly, he had ended up at some sort of orphanage. There were other babies around, and every so often a harried older woman would come in to check on them. For a while, there was a considerable amount of traffic. People coming in either taking or leaving babies. He assumed that the first were family and friends of the parents claiming responsibility; the second, people unwilling or unable to care for a baby. That had stopped pretty much completely now, so Roy guessed custody had been figured out for most of the babies, and the ones still here weren’t likely to leave. At least when that had been going on, there had been some people watching to do. Now Roy spent most of his time laying in his aged crib that squeaked whenever he moved. He made the decision to enjoy the sound because regaining muscle control, through purposeful squirming, elicited it. That and trying to speak were the only productive things he could do. 

If being an infant had been hell, being a toddler was a completely different yet adjacent posthumous experience. It was at once better, and much worse. He was short and had no respect. The whole thing made him empathize with Edward Elric more than he had ever wanted to. However, as someone whose aim was not only to do the best with the cards he had been dealt, but to win the game, Roy promptly found, and exploited, the benefits of his situation. The aforementioned shortness and lack of respect meant that no one suspected him of anything. He could ask anyone anything all day long and it was dismissed as a child’s natural curiosity. He could be found wandering around all sorts of places and he was either lost or exploring. In a place as paranoid as a ninja village, Roy was sure that if he had been older, doing those things would have gotten him disappeared in short order. 

He got an idea of the government and politics this way, and while the situation wasn’t at a ‘country created for the sole purpose of making a philosopher’s stone, being manipulated for years by a malicious shadow puppeteer’ level, but it wasn’t a paragon of honesty and peace either. The thing was, this wasn’t his world. He wasn’t involved in any of the conflicts, and he didn’t have any people here to build a better world for. He had wanted to be Further in Amestris, but he didn’t have any reason to want to be Hokage here. He had no responsibility to try to fix things here, and no desire to have power for power’s sake. By no means did that mean that he wasn’t going to try to be successful here, but avoiding the government was probably for the best. Getting involved that way would likely only get him killed. Again. 

His increased mobility did yield long awaited insight on what had happened that first night. He was inclined to believed that it was correlation, not causation that he arrived the night that the fox demon attacked, but was cautious enough to be suspicious of the coincidence. Coincidences were often cause for concern. Related to the incident, but whom Roy learned about entirely by accident, was Uzumaki Naruto. He had of course noticed the distrust and anger the village showed him, but had presumed that his parents were criminals or something of the like. It was only through his habit of eavesdropping that Roy discovered that the boy was the container of the Kyuubi. It was concerning up to the moment that he met him.

It was on one of his information gathering sessions (there was actually information to gather, thankfully), that Roy ran into the boy, literally. Attention on the rooftops, trying to spot a ninja, he didn’t notice Naruto dashing down the street until he was on top of Roy.

“Hey!” He yelled right in Roy’s face. Luckily, Roy had developed something of an immunity to being yelled at right in his face (thank you, Fullmetal), otherwise he might have been bothered. “Sorry!” The loudness of it did not make up for how entirely unapologetic that apology was. At least it sounded cheery and not outright hostile. “I’m Naruto, I’m four! What are you doing? Do you like ramen? Ramen is the best! Ninja are cool too, I wanna be a ninja one day. I like ramen more than ninjas but I don’t wanna be ramen. Ramen’s for eating, I’m not for eating!”

During the speech, Roy disentangled himself from the boy. He offered a winsome smile and a hand to shake, something that charmed people even more successfully as a child than as an adult, and was, at this point automatic. “It’s nice to meet you. Roy Mustang. I’m going to the library.” He elected to not respond to the rest.

Naruto scrunched up his face. “What’s in the library?”

Heading over in that direction again, Roy concentrated on dividing his awareness between the rooftops and his surroundings. “Books.”

Naruto huffed, following. “Yeah, but what are you gonna do with books?”

“I’m trying to teach myself how to read.” A necessary process, as he was unfamiliar with the characters used in this world. Currently he was mostly trying to memorize them, and had to read simple books meant for actual children. He would like to more on to higher materials soon. As enlightening as observing and asking questions was, he thought that the library would contain more accurate and in-depth information that he wouldn’t be able to gather on his own. There was one thing Roy was intent on learning about in particular: ninjas and what basically amounted to ninja magic. He mostly interacted with civilians, and they weren’t exactly well-informed. And as stealthy as they were, observing all but the lowest level ninja was an exercise in futility. So, the library it was. As far as he could tell, ninjutsu (ninja magic) followed rules completely different than those of alchemy. In fact, as Roy had discovered and tested extensively, it seemed that alchemy didn’t work here. This was a militant nation, and as little as Roy wanted to be a government employed killer (again) it would be prudent to at least know about and be proficient in the ninja arts. He wasn’t keen on leaving himself defenseless. 

“Why do you wanna read?” Naruto looked genuinely confused.

Roy blithely regurgitated the adage: “Knowledge is power.” It was true after all. 

Naruto’s eyes widened. “Oh! I wanna be strong too!”

Apparently, he now had study buddy. Roy eyed the boy, who was now hopping besides him. His enthusiasm was endearing, but Roy was skeptical of its longevity. He suspected that Naruto wouldn’t be able to sit still for very long. 

He was proven right soon enough. It didn’t take much time for his focus to wane, and for him to start practically vibrating in his seat. For all his willingness to learn, he didn’t have the patience to sit still and be quiet. Naruto had refrained from complaining so far, but Roy foresaw a whine on the horizon. The librarian had tolerated Roy’s presence because he was polite and unobtrusive. The ancient man was keeping a sharp eye on Naruto, who looked ready to burst. If they stayed, a conflict would be inevitable. Before they could be banned from the library altogether, Roy made a strategic retreat. 

Sighing, he stood. “Would you like to get some ramen?”

Naruto looked at him like he was the messiah. “Yes!” He agreed, at a volume that earned him glares from the rest of the room’s occupants. Either oblivious to, or ignoring this, Naruto was not quelled. He grabbed Roy’s hand and dragged him outside. “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!”

They were finishing their meal when, for the first time since Roy had met him, Naruto looked shy. He fidgeted a bit, stacking his impressive number of bowls, and avoided Roy’s eyes. Stilling, he abruptly declared, “We should be best friends forever!”

Roy’s eyebrow made a valiant attempt at emigrating to his forehead. Well. That was (glancing at the towering dishes, he discarded the word cheap) easy. Evidently, Naruto’s alliance could be bought with several bowls of ramen. Roy felt some long forgotten parental instinct stir inside of him. It had been squashed, years prior, when he realized that the Elrics (Edward) would sooner bite his hand then accept food from it. But Roy had seen how others treated Naruto. He was a sweet, if noisy, boy and it tugged at his heartstrings to think of him as lonely. Maybe being friends with him would isolate Roy, but it wasn’t as if Roy needed connections. He wasn't planning on having any political clout, so trying to preserve his reputation was useless. Besides, having a good reputation was all but superficially pointless when you were being a heartless bastard. 

Straightening in his seat, Roy said, as officially as possible, “I accept your proposition.” Naruto grinned at him, Roy gladly returning it.


	2. deux

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have two things to say for myself:  
> 1) Wow, good job me! You wrote another chapter in two days, impressive.  
> 2) I'm sassy, ignore me.

“Hey! Roy!” Naruto called to him. “I’m the good ninja and you’re the bad one, let’s fight!”

Roy noted the page he was on before setting aside "Chakra: the Soul of Everything." The book was a bit too spiritual for his tastes, but helpful nonetheless. Standing up, he sneered. “I hereby declare myself emperor of everything! Bow down before me peasants!” He turned to Naruto, narrowing his eyes. “My first act as emperor is to ban ramen, forever!”

Naruto gasped. “NO! You can’t do that, I’ll stop you!” He tackled Roy to the ground. They wrestled for a few minutes then Naruto licked Roy’s face. 

“Gah! My only weakness! I surrender!” Roy wiped the saliva off his face with a sleeve. He hoped that Naruto got over the licking thing soon. Okay, so maybe his productivity had decreased since becoming best friends with Naruto. It didn’t really matter; this was his afterlife and he could do with it what he wanted. Naruto was his deepest connection to this world.

“Duh!” Naruto spoke as if imparting great wisdom. “I’m a hero who protects the village, and heroes always win, and I’m always gonna protect the village.” There was a mulish set to his jaw. “When I grow up I’m gonna be Hokage!”

Roy nodded seriously at Naruto. “Of course.”

As if sensing his disbelief, Naruto protested earnestly, “No really! I’m gonna protect the village and be Hokage! Believe it!”

Roy assessed the boy. He looked determined, and Roy knew Naruto could be stubborn when he wanted to be. He had a sudden vision of Naruto as a naive young man saying this to the wrong person and ending up dead in some back alley because of it. Damn it. “I’ll support you.”

Naruto blinked at him. He opened and closed his mouth a few times. Roy had the rare pleasure of seeing Naruto at a loss for words. Roy looked Naruto in the eye. “If you’re serious, I’ll support you. I’ll become a ninja too and I’ll have your back.” God knows that if he didn’t, Naruto would be eaten alive. Stopping him would be difficult (read: impossible) but at least this way he could protect him. And who knows? Naruto might make some positive changes to the government. It could use some transparency. 

Naruto threw his arms around Roy’s neck. “Yeah! It’s gonna be awesome and you can be my adviser ‘cus you’re smart and you know things and we’ll protect the village together!”

Roy ruffled Naruto’s hair. “A fantastic plan.” Disregarding the fact that Roy would be much more invested in protecting Naruto than the village, but he wasn’t going to correct him. Naruto tried to ruffle Roy’s hair in retaliation which devolved into another wrestling match.

They were laying on the grass when Naruto announced, “I’m moving into my own apartment soon.”

Slowly Roy turned to look at him, and said calmly, “Naruto. You are four years old. Are you even legally allowed to live by yourself?”

Naruto crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah! And I’m almost five.” He sniffed. “...anyways…’s wouldn’t be by myself...thought you could live with me.”

“Ah. Yes, that is acceptable.” It better be because if Naruto hadn’t asked him then Roy would have butted his way in regardless. There was no way that he’d let Naruto (four fucking years old) live by himself. It would be a disaster. 

Naruto jumped to his feet. “Yeah! It’ll be so cool, we’ll have ramen for every meal!” Case and point.

A few days later Roy was packing his meager belongings into a cardboard box. The matron seemed relieved to see him go. He had spent most of his time alone, and his relationship with Naruto had earned him no friends. 

By late morning both he and Naruto were at their new apartment. It was small but in a good area. The building seemed new and overall it was nicer than what he had expected. Which was a little concerning. Roy had some money from doing small sorts of jobs around the village. He understood that usually low-level ninja performed those sorts of tasks but some civilians were distrustful of ninja. That, however, was not the majority, so he didn’t have much saved up. How they were going to pay for the apartment should have occurred to him earlier. In fact, that should have been the first thing that Roy thought of. He doubted that Naruto had considered the finances.

After they brought their stuff inside, Roy sat on the floor. There was no furniture yet. Legs crossed, he rested his elbows on his knees and propped his chin on his intertwined fingers. “Naruto,” he began, gravely. “What is the rent here?”

Sprawled on the floor across from him, Naruto shrugged. “I dunno.”

Roy bit his lip and breathed in through his nose. And out through his mouth. Roy had only himself to blame. “You don’t know?”

Naruto stretched, yawning. “Nah. The old man’s paying for it.”

Alarmed, Roy demanded, “Who?”

Naruto sat up and scratched his nose. “Hmm. He should be here soon.”

As if summoned by those words, there came a knock on the door. Naruto rushed to open it, grinning. Roy stood as well, on guard. The Hokage stepped in. “Gramps!” Naruto chirped.

Roy was not sure how to react to this. It was obvious that Naruto knew the Hokage and had invited him to their apartment. Though it might technically be the Hokage's apartment if he was paying for it. 

Spotting Roy, the man’s eyes crinkled. “Who’s your friend, Naruto?”

Naruto pointed at him excitedly. “That’s Roy! We’re living together.”

An eyebrow rose. “Oh?”

Naruto grabbed Roy’s hand, nodding. “Uh-huh. Roy’s my best friend and he doesn’t have any parents either so we’re gonna stay together. Like brothers!”

His wizened face softened, and he gazed down at them with a grandfatherly warmth that Roy was immediately incredulous of. If the Hokage was a kindly old man then Roy was an innocent child. 

“I see. Well, it’s very nice to meet you Roy.” He held out a veiny hand to shake.

Roy took it, it’s strength and callouses belying the gentle image the Hokage seemed to want to portray. Roy smiled shyly at the man. “It’s nice to meet you too, Hokage-sama.”

The man patted his cheek. He turned to Naruto. “Everything’s alright here?”

Naruto nodded, beaming. 

Reaching inside his robe, the Hokage pulled out an envelope that he handed to Naruto. “Here’s your monthly allowance with a bit extra for setting things up here. I’ll be by next month, but you can, of course, visit me at my office anytime.” He looked around their apartment one last time. “I’ll be off then.” And as quickly as he had appeared, he was gone. 

He was a busy man, and Roy was surprised that he had taken time out of his schedule to come down here at all, let alone on an apparently monthly basis. He looked at Naruto, considering. He could very well attribute the man’s concern for him to Naruto being the container of the fox demon. Yet that didn’t seem right. The concern he had was of care and kindness not fear and suspicion. He didn’t know what to make of that, but filed away the information for later. 

Now, though. “In the combined living area and kitchen, we’ll need a table, chair, appliances, dishes, and other sorts of things. There’s only one bedroom, so I guess we’ll share, but it’s big enough for two beds. I don’t know what we’ll need for the bathroom. Towels?”

The excitement from the Hokage’s vist gone already, Naruto rubbed his eyes. “Can I go to bed?”

Roy’s lips twitched. “Naruto, sweetie, you don’t have a bed to go to.”

Naruto looked at him like he wasn’t understanding something. “I don’t need a bed to sleep.”

Roy smirked. “If we’re arguing semantics-”

Naruto jumped on him, screeching, “No seematics!”

Over the following weeks, Roy established some house rules. There was resistance from Naruto, but Roy prevailed. Their first argument was about ramen. 

Roy put his hands on his hips. “We had ramen for dinner last night. We cannot have it for breakfast, lunch, or dinner today. I’m putting a once a week limit on ramen.”

Naruto balled up his fists. “No! I want ramen everyday!”

Roy pursed his lip, considering. “Once every five days.”

“Every three days!” Naruto shot back.

Roy acquiesced. “Fine. Every three days.” That was good enough; he hadn’t expected to get away with once a week. In negotiations it’s best to aim high. Besides, the number of days they could go without ramen would probably increase once Naruto had tried his cooking. He wasn’t one to brag (much) but it was good. Skills in the kitchen as well as skills in the sheets were essential to wooing any woman (or man). 

The second issue was with bedtime. I.e. Naruto didn’t want to go to bed but was tired and cranky when he stayed up late. Enforcing bedtime meant that Roy had to go to bed early as well, but, honestly, as a man who was technically nearing his forties, going to bed at eight o’clock every night wasn’t that much of a hardship. He sweetened the pot by reading bedtime stories that had the added benefits of teaching Naruto to read.

The cleaning up after yourself problem was something of an ongoing argument. Not really an argument as such, mostly just Roy constantly reminding Naruto to do so. 

It was a bit of an odd role for Roy to assume because while he knew that he was much older than Naruto, Naruto did not. Naruto had defined their relationship as that of best friends, brothers, when in reality Roy was more of a father (or mother, take your pick) figure. Roy worried about how this would affect Naruto’s relationships with his actual peers, but it wasn’t as if Roy could step down from the role. Naruto was four, not having someone to take care of him would affect him worse than this would. 

Worries aside, it was good. Naruto had always been a happy child, but he seemed more settled now. More relaxed. Roy had found something precious here. This domestic routine had settled something in him too. His ambition and need for change had been crushed by dying and waking up in another world. But it was different from when he had arrived. Now it wasn’t that he had nothing to fight for, but that he had already achieved something and could be content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;/

**Author's Note:**

> IT'S E) IGNORE ALL RESPONSIBILITES AND BEGIN CAREER AS FANFICTION AUTHOR BECAUSE YOU NEED ANOTHER PROJECT AND THIS IS A LUCRATIVE JOB!!!!


End file.
